Second Chances
by Skinfull
Summary: Post Ep Field Where I Died What if Melissa had survived? Would a relationship blossom between her and Mulder? MSR, POV. hope you like. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Second Chances

**Rating:** PG 13

**Classification:** Post Ep Eventual MSR MPOV/SPOV

**Spoilers:** The Field Where I Died.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, no profit, no harm.

**Summary:** What if Melissa survived? Would a relationship blossom between herself and Mulder? How would Scully cope?

**Feedback:** Love all feedback. Thanks inAdvance!

**Authors Notes:** My first attempt at a 1st person POV...be gentle. A thousand thank you's to Sally for taking the time to help me out with rogue punctuation and bad tense's and giving me that final fatal push over the cliff when I got stuck. Thanks Sally this one is especially for you.

_**Second Chances**_

_**By Skinfull**_

**CHAPTER 1 --Mulder POV--**

**Temple of the Seven Stars.**

My heart is beating faster than I ever knew it could, it's stealing power from my lungs as it pushes it's way up to lodge in my throat. I can't swallow or breathe properly as I step through the field. Scully's voice carries over the cool breeze but it's not enough to stop me.

Cautiously, I reach for the handle but it's locked or stuck so I just barge through, ignoring the sharp pain in my shoulder where I connected with the thick oak.

My heart is yelling at me to hurry and my brisk walk becomes a run through the cluttered hallways of the temple. Bouncing off the close walls, I'm sprinting now, my mind screaming a mantra: hurry, hurry, hurry, and hurry. But it doesn't matter. I'm too late. I know it.

The door to the oratory is heavy as I push it open and move a body aside. My feet halt my progress all of their own accord, pulling me up short just inside the door where I can see them all lying on top of each other, piled in a gruesome fashion. The bodies are warm. Their heat evaporating too quickly, rising up to meet my face as I step over them in what seems like a futile search for her face. My eyes are squinting through the dusty air scanning the still and frightened faces when I spot her.

From the corner of my eye I can see Vernon, by the podium, clutching his bible in what must have once been a powerful grip of faith, but I can't be bothered to check if he has survived to face justice for what he has done. There she is. As still and lifeless as the others. But she can't be, I'm pleading with myself and god or anyone who might be listening. She seems to be sleeping even though I can feel it in my heart that she is not.

I need to reach out and touch her even though I shouldn't. My hand is shaky and I'm not sure why but I force it to move to her shoulder and check her neck for a pulse. But there is nothing.

With my other hand, shaking just as hard, I reach out for the torn photo curled loosely in her fingers. Across the room I can hear the other agents finally catching up with me and I know they can see me from their vantage point inside the door, Scully included. But it doesn't stop the tears from falling. It doesn't stop the pain from penetrating my body and soul at the loss I am feeling right now.

Looking up to the windows of broken glass, I can see the field with it's wisps of tall grass blowing gracefully in the wind and I know now as surely as I have ever known that I will see her again. At times I almost dream, I muse, blinking the sting of the tears away.

"Mulder! Move!" Scully's voice seems so far away, but her small strong hand is on my shoulder, pushing me aside as she leans over Melissa and unfurls her from the foetal position to lay her flat on her back.

"Over here!" she yells and I look behind me to see one of the ATF members lifting a young man from near the door. Looking closer at his face I can see his eyes are open. Amazed, I turn back to Scully to see her pumping Melissa's chest in the familiar motions of CPR then breathing into her mouth.

"Scully?" I can barely manage to speak as she pumps again on Melissa's chest and turns to me.

"Mulder the poison hasn't worked fully on all of these people. Some of them will survive." She stops to breathe for Melissa again then pulls away and rolls her onto her side. Melissa coughs and vomits out most of the poison.

"Melissa?" Struggling to my feet, I clamour over to her side and gently touch her shoulder.

"Get her outside Mulder."

Scullys voice rattles in my head for a few seconds before my brain kicks in and obeys. I hook one arm under Melissa's knees and the other I wrap around her shoulders to lift her. She is so light I can hardly feel her in my arms so I hug her closer to my chest as if I can save her with warmth alone.

Outside in the grass the swat team has pulled out most of the church members who are now coughing up and spewing all over. They are shrouded in blankets and ATF officers circling the small group with trained weapons, so I bring Melissa off to the side. Sitting her on the grass slowly, I take the blanket from the pile and drape it over her.

"Melissa...can you hear me?" Her cheek is stained with red liquid where she vomited in the church and her breathing is raspy with effort, but her eyes blink over to me before they close tightly. "Everything will be okay now. Relax."

But before I can move she rolls over towards me and coughs up more tacky red liquid onto my knees. I'm rubbing her back gently and telling her she'll be okay when I hear the swat team next to me yelling out.

"That's all. The rest are dead."

Standing up, I watch Melissa as I walk away, unable to believe she is lying there, and turn in time to see Scully stepping out of the temple. Her usually impeccable navy pant suit is marred and stained with the viscous red remains of the victims inside, but part of me, the part that glances back to Melissa's weakened form, is too stunned to realise what has happened fully.

Scully's walk is slow and deliberate and more than once I catch her eyes straying over to Melissa but as she approaches me her eyes lock with mine and I can't hide the relief in them, I don't even try.

"Mulder," she says softly and it's the tone I recognise for when she is about to tell me something I don't want to hear. "Seven. We saved seven."

"Vernon?"

"No. Four women and three men who will still need to be pumped out and under observation for a few days." She is looking at me with strange eyes. Searching me for answers to questions she doesn't want to ask, maybe even answers she doesn't want to know, so I turn away and walk over to Melissa. Scully's soft footfall is right behind me and she crouches with me to examine her more closely, but then sees the photo still clutched in my hand. "Mulder?"

"'Behold...I am alive forever more'," I quote as I glance at the photo, before reaching out to take Melissa's cold and shaking hand in my own.  
**  
A/N :** This is chapter one...how is it so far? And yes...of course it's MSR!


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 --Scully POV--**

**St Jude's Emergency Room.**

Mulders eyes are boring into me and I can feel his gaze hotly against my face so I turn towards him and see him watching. Skinner follows my but one of the ER doctors is calling us over so we walk away. With Skinner to my left, and the ER Technician on the other side of the tall counter, I feel so much smaller then I have done in so long. Maybe it's the flat-heeled trainers I was given along with the well used but clean pair of scrubs. The material is itchy against my skin and I am longing for a shower but there is so much to do first. I doubt I'll see the inside of a shower for more than a few hours yet; I muse as I pull my mind back into the room.

"Saxotoxin," the tech says as I focus on the conversation. "It's an organic poison that's all but untraceable in the human body. But seeing as we have a sample of the liquid they drank it was easily caught."

"And treatment?" I hear myself asking, but my mind is still haunted by the look that was on Mulders face when he walked out.

"It was a fairly weak dosage. The vomiting caused by the ingestion of the drink has caused more harm then the actual poison itself."

"How many survived?" Skinner asks and I look up to his concerned face. His eyes are red and tired and his lips have all but disappeared under his grimace. They talk about the survivors and treatment for them both physically and mentally but my mind refuses to comply.

"Agent Scully?" I look up and he is watching me and I notice only then that the technician has left. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes sir."

"I understand it was a daunting sight today. You should go back and get cleaned up."

"No sir. I'm fine." I manage, but he doesn't believe me. I run loose fingers through my hair and take a deep breath.

"What about Mulder? He seemed more then a little harrowed earlier."

"Sir?" I'm surprised he's bringing it up but I shouldn't be, knowing it's probably written all over my face that I've been thinking the very same thing. "It's been a long day. For all of us."

"Yes. Well the briefing is in..." he glances down at his watch. "In an hour. Will you be tied up here?"

"No sir. I'm all but done here. I'll go back and get cleaned up and meet you there."

Skinner nods with a little bow before leaving. I take a moment and lean against the counter, bending at the waist to let my head drop onto the cold metal surface. Deep breaths feel good as the weariness is pushed to the back of my mind and I go back to the chaos outside.

Signing off on a few reports and procedures, I take a few minutes to chat with the resident doctor before calling a cab and getting back to the motel as quickly and smoothly as I can. My shower is fast and perfunctory. With no time for a bath I have to make do. As I dress I glance outside and see the rental car still parked by the stairs where Mulder abandoned it earlier, so I run a brush through my still damp hair and gather my medical notes from the ER. Locking the door behind me, I see him stepping out of his room with his files tucked neatly beneath his arm, his tie loose about his neck and his jacket collar twisted and turned.

"Mulder!" I call out and he tosses a casual glance in my direction before making his way to the stairs. Oh no, I sigh as I hurry to catch up with him. "Mulder!" My voice is higher and angrier then usual and he looks up surprised.

"Are you ready?" he asks as he unlocks the passenger door and opens it for me. "Meeting starts in ten minutes."

"What's wrong?" I ask after he climbs in and belts up. He is concentrating on the drive, too much I notice but he won't be able to ignore me for long.

"How is Melissa?" he asks when we reach a straight stretch of road. He doesn't glance over at me and I can see his fingers are tight around the wheel, his knuckles baring the brunt of his frustration.

"She's doing alot better." Turning my head slightly, I can see him from the corner of my eye without making it obvious. He is staring straight ahead and watching the road with diligence but I know it's all a facade. His eyes are focused and strained beneath his furrowed brow and his fingers grip the wheel tighter. "She has suffered a serious trauma," I continue but still there is no reaction. "But hopefully we'll be able to track her family down soon. All the families of all the victims."

"Families?" He chances a quick glance at me and his frown deepens.

"Fingerprints are being run to search for relatives. They will all need to be located and for the right treatment to continue."

Mulder's silence is unnerving. It usually means he's mulling something over, something that will bring a revelation into the conversation. But with his eyes as dark as I can see them now I know better. He is biting the inside of his cheek and his fingers have loosened their death grip on the wheel to tap rhythemlessly against the smooth leather.

"I need to talk to Melissa."

"Mulder-" I start but he turns to me shaking his head.

"Scully I have to talk to her!" he pleads his eyes wide with need. I look away before I drown.

What for Mulder? I wonder internally, watching the streets pass by. Why would you need to talk to her? What connection is it you need to re establish?

"Scully?" He has parked outside the command centre and shuts off the engine without my even noticing.

"Okay Mulder. I'll get you in to see her but..." I'm hesitating. Say it Dana. Say it. I'll let you see her as long as...as long as...as long as...dammit! I can't even think it! As long as you come back to me! I roar in my head and look over at him with the insane notion that he might have heard. He hadn't. "But you have to be very careful. She's been through a traumatic experience."

"I will. Thanks."

We walk through the command centre in silence and I take pleasure in the gentle weight of his hand resting on my back, a little higher then usual. His fingers assert a little extra pressure as we walk into the crowded room and I turn to see a small smile curve his lips at me. His eyes are bleary and he looks tired. I smile back and we take our seats at a desk to the left of the room.

Skinner stands at the top of the room and coughs gently to get everyone's attention and I'm not surprised to see how quickly the chatter ceases. There is a short pause while the Agents and Swat members take their seats and Skinner moves to the centre of the room. He glances at me before he passes the sheets around.

"Okay. Time to tie the knots and sort the loose ends." I watch as he scans the room and gives an almost imperceptible nod to Agent Wilcox who is leading the SWAT Team.

Wilcox stands up and gives a short but detailed account of how his team conducted the investigation. He mentions with disdain how Mulder had shed his coat to reveal no weapons and walked towards the temple with his arms raised in peace. I ignore the glances the other agents throw at us as usual and stare at Skinner. When he is done Agent Wilcox sits down and Skinner turns his powerful gaze towards Mulder.

"Agent Mulder? You're report?"

**A/N: **chapter 2 here is a little shorter but the next one is a bit of a whopper. The calm before the storm.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3 --Mulder POV--**

**Tennessee Command Centre.**

Glancing around the room, I can see all eyes watching me, some with contempt and others with plain boredom. Skinner steps aside as I walk up to the top of the room, my papers in my hand shuffling needlessly with nerves. Scully is right in front of me. Staring at me with her usual guarded expression but in her eyes I see something different. Unable to give it the full analysis it deserves, I store it for later reflection and start to pass out the small report I had copied.

"The key to this case was Sidney," I begin, ignoring the numerous groans. My report lasts only a few minutes and through it all I find my mind wandering back to the last glimpse I saw of Melissa as they wheeled her away from the ER. Sudden irresistible urges within me tug at the pit of my stomach and I physically wince at the need to see her again.

I manage to sit through the rest of the briefing, but my feet and fingers twitch through it all. Scully is tossing a concerned frown at me but I look away. I can't let her see how far it's come. I don't think she'd understand. Skinner finally calls an end to the futile meeting and we all file out of the room.

I am hurrying towards the car; my file folded under my arm and my hand running loose lines through my hair. As usual when I'm agitated I'm biting my lip, but I flinch at the pain as I pierce the soft skin and taste the all too familiar flavour of blood on my tongue.

"Mulder!" Skinner is calling me but I need to go. I don't have time to hang around and mull over these meetings. I try to ignore him but some niggling feelings of regret blossom in my head and force me to turn back. Scully is standing by his side with her head lowered enough to let her hair fall into her face. Her cheeks are slightly blushed but it's a natural colour that I've always loved. "When is your flight back to DC?" he asks me.

For a moment I'm confused. DC? Why would I be going back to DC? Scully's movement catches my eye and I see her eyes widening.

"Our flight is in the morning, sir." I hear her saying to Skinner but her eyes are locked with mine. I know she is trying to tell me something but my brain is clouded with the need to see Melissa.

"Okay. I'm leaving for the airport in ten minutes so I'll see you back there tomorrow afternoon." Skinner's voice is distant and cautious, but I can't break my gaze with Scully. She pulls away from me, and smiles wanly at him. It's a cold smile that barely curves her lips and doesn't reach her eyes but he seems to think that it will suffice. With a curt nod, he turns on his heel and goes back into the conference room. I follow suit with a sharp turn of my own and hurry back to the car with Scully hot on my heels.

"You have to calm down, Mulder," she is saying as I tear out of the car park and pull into traffic. Dodging lanes, I ignore her comment for a moment.

"What?" is the best I can come up with in the form of a reply. I think she grunts at me but I couldn't be sure and I am driving way too fast to look over and see her expression.

At the hospital I find a quick parking space and jump out of the car with breakneck speed. With a brief. glance over my shoulder, I spot scully right behind me. The receptionist seems to be used to people racing in through the doors and doesn't offer us much of an expression.

"Dr Dana Scully. I'm here to talk to Melissa Riedal."

"Family only," the receptionist answers, already bored with us.

"We are trying to locate her family. We need to ask her some more questions." Scully proffers her badge, which is cast the smallest of glances.

"She has been transferred to the day ward. Fourth floor room 414."

"Thank you."

In the elevator I'm fiddling with my tie. I can see a tainted reflection of myself in the side of the elevator and I run calming fingers through my messy hair. I clear my throat with a small cough and am suddenly startled by Scully's small, warm hand gripping mine. I half turn so I can see her face and expect to see scorn or frustration marring her beautiful features. But instead I am greeted with a lost expression of concern.

"Mulder, I need you to listen to me." Her voice is soft and low and as much as I want to brush it off I can't help but listen. "You have to be very careful."

"I know." She knows it's a platitude but I can't offer her anymore right now. My mind is frazzled with expectancy, hope...and something else I haven't felt in so long I barely recognise it.

"No, you don't know." Her grip on my hand is tighter now and as the elevator door opens she pulls me out and to the side of the corridor. Pressed up against the cold wall, she points an accusing finger at my chest. "You don't know what condition she is in. You don't realise how fragile she is right now and you are about to in there and feed her disillusions by encouraging her to explore it further."

Scully's concerns are rapidly mutating into anger so I turn us around and press her into the wall instead. Having to bend to meet her eyes, I lift her chin with one finger.

"And neither do you. You don't know what it's like to see this for what it could be rather then what it should be. You don't know how it feels to have a loss burning inside the pit of your being so desolate and wasted that nothing can ever fill it..."

The words spill from my mouth quicker then I can process them and I am immediately sorry for their utterance. But there is little I can do about that now. I stand up straight and back away from her glassy blue eyes. I know she wants to turn away and hide the emotion from me but she is stronger now with anger and refuses to do so, so I release her from my gaze and wander up the corridor in search of room 414.

_A/N: Glad you like it guys. 5 More chapters to go!_


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4 --Scully POV--**

**St Jude's Hospital**

How dare he? How dare he assume to know me so well? My head is spinning with anger and frustration. I watch him walk slowly down the corridor and while part of me wants to leave the building, the whole goddamned state of Tennessee if I'm honest. The rest of me, the loyal part that is constantly being battered and interrogated on his behalf, is forcing my legs to move and follow him.

His outburst was unexpected. I have seen him follow hunches and ideas on a whim and end up in hospital for his troubles but this is different. This is an urge he isn't able to resist or comprehend. There is no logic to his actions here and he knows it. Perhaps, I ponder, that is why he is so affected. So annoyed.

When he finds the door he turns and waits for me to join him before he enters. Melissa is lying on her side facing away from us and she appears to be sleeping. We walk further into the room and Mulder circles her bed. He looks up at me, and nods but before I understand fully I hear a faint sob coming from the small curled figure on the bed.

"It's you. You came for me."

Melissa's arms reach up towards him and Mulder bends down so she can join her hands behind his neck. She hugs him tightly to her and he snakes his own arms around her as she cries openly and softly into his shoulder.

Taken back by the open emotion I step away from the bed and avert my eyes. Like a movie scene orchestrated for full effect the sun chooses that moment to break through the clouds casting colour into the drab room and I shake my head. Surely it can't be a conspiracy of nature, I wonder as my eyes follow the sunrays to them both on the bed.

I notice Mulder manages to perch himself onto the bed and Melissa sits up almost onto his lap to hug him comfortably. She is crying more now. His dark suit jacket is wet with her falling tears. I want to see if Mulder is crying but I am afraid to move in case I break their trance. Then I see the tell tale shudder along his back as he takes a shaky breath. Slipping easily from the room, I find an empty chair in the corridor where I sit and wait.

**CHAPTER 5 --Mulder POV--**

**St Jude's Hospital**

My arms are holding her close and her shuddering body is matching my own emotion. Her cries mingle with my tears and her sigh with my breath. Never before have I felt so at home and safe like I do in this woman's arms. The torrent of emotion pouring from my very being is unstoppable, not that I could even try.

When her tears subside and my own have dried I sit up and hold her away from me. Her deep, brown eyes are glassy with even more tears as I imagine my own are, but her lips are curving into a nervous smile as she travels my face and absorbs my features. I smile back openly and let her take in as much as she wants without disturbing her gentle exploration.

Then suddenly her face falls into a frown with her eyes screwed tightly shut. She pushes away from me and two fingers from her right hand start tapping the top of her forehead rhythmically, the slapping sound echoing loudly in the large room.

"Look, I don't know what you're game is here but it aint gonna work!" she says her voice low and twisted. It's Sidney, I realise in horror as I move off the bed and back away.

"Sidney?" I ask cautiously, not really wanting her to confirm what I already know.

"Who did you expect? Truman?"

"Sidney, can I speak with Melissa?" My voice is low and steady as I try to sound calm and in control while my insides are churning from the pit of my stomach to the boiling blood at my temples.

"Melissa? No. She's done enough. You gots me or you gots nothing!" Her voice is so startlingly different I am half expecting someone to climb out from beneath the bed or wander in from the bathroom but it doesn't happen. It is only then that I notice Scully is no longer in the room.

Walking slowly to the door, I step outside and spot her sitting on a chair a couple of feet away. She hasn't noticed me yet so her head remains low in thought and I take the opportunity to soak in her image. Her red hair and black suit jacket are a direct contrast to the magnolia paint behind her, making her stand out beautifully.

"Scully?" I say softly, unsure if I want to disturb her. She turns to look at me, her hair straying across her face disguising her expression but I don't need to see it all to see the sadness in her eyes. I stammer for a moment unsure what has brought this on, but Sidney's harsh cackle of laughter behind me pushes the quick introspection away from my mind. "You okay?" I step over to her and hunch by her side. My hand rests on her thigh and I apply a little pressure.

"Yes, Mulder. I'm fine. How is Melissa?" she asks curtly.

"She's...its Sidney."

"Sidney?" Scully stands and my hand falls away from her. I follow her into the room and Sidney confronts us both with a sneer.

"Come back for more? Well I can't help ya," she says. Gruffly she pulls her legs off the bed and levers herself up. With only a little stagger that propels me forward to catch her, she brushes my hands away and makes her way into the bathroom.

When the sound of the latch clicks closed, I turn to see Scully frowning at me openly. Her eyes are slits beneath a deep furrow and her arms are folded across her chest.

"Mulder, what are you doing?"

"The same thing anyone would do."

"You have no right to mess with her like this."

Her words sting me and maybe it's because I know she's right but I can't help it. I have to talk to Melissa. Sarah. The name floats into my mind and for a moment I am Sullivan. Saying goodbye to her before I leave for good.

"No, I can't leave her again." I falter over the words pulling my eyes away from Scully and glancing towards the bathroom door. "It is so heartbreaking to wait."

"Mulder...listen to yourself!" Scully is gripping my arm with a ferocity I have rarely experienced from her. "You are feeding her psychosis and from what I can see maybe you are feeding one of your own!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" I say, pulling my arm free and walking towards the window.

"You know I'm right. Have you seen any evidence that she has been telling the truth? That her illness is stemmed from a string of passed lives that she and you have spent together?"

She is watching me, waiting for an answer but for once in my sorry life I have nothing to say.

"No Mulder, you haven't. You know I don't believe it and if you do, fine. But I won't stand by and let you jeopardise her mental recovery."

"Scully," I begin, but she is on a roll and cuts me off.

"Her family will be located in the next hour or so and she will be going home."

My heart does a flip flop in my chest at the thought of loosing her.

"We need to get back to DC.

"And leave it at that?" My voice is raised beyond my control. "Just walk away?"

"Yes, Mulder." Her calm, soft words irritate me so much it's all I can do not to bellow out as if in pain.

"I can't do that, Scully, I can't walk away, and I can't say goodbye, not again." Not when it hurts so much! I add silently not ready to illustrate the full extent of my emotions.

"Mulder, you need to walk away from this right now. Before...before..."

"Before what?" I can see she is struggling to argue with me and I'm not sure why. She usually feeds off this interaction between us but this time something is different. As if the fight is gone from her.

"Before it's too late," she whispers her face ducking below my gaze, hidden from view and I look up as Melissa returns from the bathroom. There is no trace of Sidney left on her as she demurely climbs onto the bed and watches me under hooded eyes. Looking between Scully and Melissa, I am torn between them both, but my loyalty makes me escort Scully out to the corridor.

"Look, Scully." She is looking up at me with her eyes clear as day. I can't read them and I know she is hiding something from me, but it's eluding me as to what it could be. "I know you just want to make sure I'm okay but you have to understand that I need to do this. I need to talk to her, to understand these feelings." I grab her shoulders and let my hands wander up to her neck beneath her hair. "Do you understand?"

For a moment she doesn't move and her eyes are searching mine, then, with a few blinks to hide the tears that brim to the surface, she nods slowly.

"Thank you." I know she doesn't understand the reason but she does understand the urge. I am about to pull her into my arms for a full hug but then decide against it, getting the sudden vibe that she wants to be alone. So with a final glance at her glistening eyes, I go back to Melissa.

_A/N: I added two chapters here because the first one is only wee one.! _


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 6 --Scully POV--**

**St Jude's Hospital**

I can't look up as he walks away. I can't explain the gurgling urge I have to drag him away from here, from her. But most of all I realise I can't let him pull himself down like this without fighting for him.

My own words surprise me. Fight for him? As if he truly belonged to me in the first place, I admit with a small chuckle. I run my fingers through my hair and shake it out almost to shake the thought from my mind.

I want to talk to Mulder. Take him away from this environment and talk to him without interruption but I know nothing will pry him away right now. Through the small window on the door, I see him standing at the end of the bed, his fingers fiddling with the chart and knocking it to the floor with a clatter. Bouncing to pick it up he sees me looking in and offers me a wan smile. I manage to curl my lips in a bad attempt to return it, but rather then force it I look away and walk down the corridor to the water cooler.

I take a small sip enjoying the sharp cold sensation on my lips as my mind comes back into focus. I'm so confused with more and more emotions floating to the forefront then I care to admit. I'm angry, sad, lonely and some I can't even recognise...or maybe I just don't want to...jealousy.

Looking up suddenly, I catch my faint reflection in the window. Jealousy? Part of me isn't sure where that thought even came from, but the rest of me, the part that knows the sensation of his hand on my back, his green eyes twinkling so intensely through the darkness of a stakeout, the elusive sound of his laugh when it feels like it's just for me...

With a little chuckle I slump into the cold plastic chair that's been nailed to the floor and realise how deep in I am. Give up! A small voice in my head exclaims making me shake my head. Give up what? I argue with myself. It's not like I had anything with Mulder to give up. Give up the chance?

A chance. Is the chance worth fighting for? I have fought for less than chances before. For ideas, for hunches, for what might be, what could be. But that was different. That was with Mulder by my side. This would be meeting Mulder head on, a complete collision, because I wouldn't go for anything less. All or nothing.

Nothing is safer then something I try weakly to convince myself but it seems the ball is rolling and there isn't anything I can do to stop these thoughts from forming and snagging a foothold in my mind, my heart.

What would Mulder say? I wonder and I laugh again noticing only then that the nurse at the water cooler has been watching me argue with myself and I realise I must have been speaking out loud. She walks away with a careful glance in my direction so I stand up to get another drink.

As I take a long sip my cell phone vibrates insistently in my pocket so I answer it quickly not wanting to get kicked out for using prohibited phones.

"Scully," I answer curtly unable to smooth the edge off my voice.

"Agent Scully. It's Agent Dixon here. We have located Melissa Riedal's family."

For a moment there is nothing I can say and I hear Dixon cough nervously and he stammers on with more information.

"She is originally from Boston. I spoke to her father who said she went missing over 18 months ago from Boston Medical."

"Boston Medical? Was she working there?" I ask feeling the cold flush of warning rush through my body.

"No she had been an out patient, transferred for treatment from the Institute of Psychotherapy."

My heart is hammering against my ribs dancing to a beat I can't follow. I can't go to Mulder with this half information knowing he will think I am only trying to pull him away from Melissa.

"Can you get me dates for her admission into the Institute and the medical background? Fax it through to my hotel."

"No problem."

"Thank you."

I turn to walk back to Mulder but think better of it and instead walk out to the stairwell dialling Skinner's number.

CHAPTER 7 --Mulder POV--

St Jude's Hospital

There are so many questions I want to ask Melissa but I don't know where to start. She is watching me cautiously and rummaging in her bedside locker for her cigarettes. But a fit of coughing forces her back against the pillows, her search fruitless. Standing at the end of the bed, I don't know where to put my hands, first hanging them loosely by my sides then in my pockets and then resting on the cold metal of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" I ask carefully, not wanting her to retreat and bring forth another voice.

"Tender," she admits her arm curved protectively around her chest.

She pulls the bedclothes up to her chin as my fingers fiddle with the chart knocking it loudly to the floor. As I bend down to pick it up I catch Scullys gaze watching me through the small window in the door. I offer her a smile but she can barely return it. And I hate that.

I wish then that I had hugged Scully. I feel terrible, like I have abandoned her in the corridor. We've disagreed before but this is different. This is closer to the bone than we've ever been. Something was behind her eyes and she was doing her damnedest to hide it from me.

Looking back to Melissa I realise she has asked me a question but I didnt hear it. Sitting in the seat next to her bed I ask her to repeat it.

"How long have you worked for the FBI?"

"Too long," I reply with a self-depreciating chuckle designed to put her at ease. "Has anything come back to you? Your family? Where you are from?" It's too much I realise as I force myself to stop hammering out questions and take a deep breath.

"No. Nothing. I feel so...so...tired."

"Maybe I should go...let you rest." I start to stand but she stops me with a hand reaching out to squeeze my arm.

"No, please. Stay. I don't want to be alone."

I watch as she casts a careful glance to the door as if she is waiting for someone to barge in so I sit back down and glance at her. Her eyes are fearful and tired, red rimmed and brimming with unshed tears.

"Tired?" I ask softly passing her a cup of water to ease her sore throat.

"Worn out...shocked...wary...it's all still up in the air."

"That's understandable," I admit as I place the cup back onto the locker and help her with the pillows behind her head. With my arms on either side of her head and my face next to hers she turns to me and places a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"Thank you," she whispers, snaking her arms around my neck and pulling me closer. "Thank you for saving me."

There is nothing I can say so I let her hold me a moment longer then carefully prise myself away. I need to talk to her, to find out who she is, to understand these feelings that are running rampant through my body. As much as Scully thinks my mind is already made up, I know I have to understand it fully before I let myself sink into this fully.

"Melissa," I begin fighting back my urges to shake the answers out of her. My psychology degree kicks into action and I slowly release a deep long shaky breath. "We are currently searching for your family. The families of all the survivors. Some of them have already left. Is there anything you can tell us about your...past." So many conflicting thoughts and emotions battling for supremacy. It's so hard to concentrate.

"My past?" Her eyes are darting from me to the door and back again. I'm not sure what she's waiting for but she scoots forward on the bed and leans closer to me.

"What is it Melissa?" She is rocking back and forth with both her legs crossed under herself, her eyes have glazed over and her mouth hangs open a little.

"His name was Jonah." She is speaking softly, her voice but a whisper in the silent room. "He was 10 years older than me but I didn't mind." She is twiddling her hair around her fingers and chewing the inside of her cheek between sentences. "I loved him and know he loved me too."

"Who was Jonah?" I ask carefully, unsure whether she is remembering a love lost or a past life.

"Jonah Carberry." She smiles coyly, curling her lips to the side and batting her eyes as she looks up to me. "We met that summer at The University of Columbus. He taught me more then Creative Writing."

Her laugh is demure and yet seductive with her eyes wide and watching me.

"When was this?" I'm mentally taking note of every name date and place she mentions.

"About ten years ago. My father wasn't so pleased to see my college education majoring in the studies of fornication with one of my lecturers."

As she steps off the bed and around my chair she trails one hand up my arm and gently caresses my neck, letting her finger dip between my shirt collar and my skin while the other hand rakes through my hair. I can feel her leaning in closer behind me and her hands splaying out on my shoulder. Her breath is hot on my neck and her lips touch my skin, sending tingles down my back but the alarm in my head is blaring at biblical proportions.

"But it was a subject I was more then pleased to take a one on one tutelage."

Her lips are covering more ground and the alarms are getting worse as her hands travel down my chest and seize my nipples in a gentle tug.

"Melissa!" I stand up brushing her hands away and turning to face her. I can still feel her lips nuzzling on my skin, her eyes now taking their place as she absorbs my features and watches me shamelessly.

"Come now, Agent Mulder...are you going shy on me?" she curls around the chair to sit down and throws her leg over the arm tossing her head back the other way to let her hair hang out loose.

"Melissa...Ms Riedal...I think you should go back into bed."

"Will you be joining me?" Her voice is hoarse with sultry tones as she climbs off the chair and crawls on to the bed on all fours. "Room enough here for both of us."

"I think it's time for me to go. Let you get some rest."

As I back away from her I notice the light in her eyes fades as she crawls under the sheets. She pulls the blanket up to her chin and if the room wasn't so quiet I wouldn't be able to hear her whisper.

"It's not me you want...it's them...the voices."

"Sorry?" I step closer but only a few steps.

"It's never me...it's them. They always want to talk to them in the end."

"Who?" I venture forward another few steps making sure the chair is between us.

"The voices...Janet, Sarah, Michael, Sidney, Susan...never Melissa."

"What are you talking about?" I ask but then the door opens and a small portly nurse saunters in and double takes as she sees me.

"What are you doing in here? This room is off limits. Ms Riedal needs her rest!"

My mouth is opening to protest but she isn't giving me a chance as she ushers me out of the room and shuts me off closing the door sharply between us. I want to barge back in there but I know better than to be on the wrong side of the hospital staff. I need Scully, I realise and I look up as she emerges from the stairwell.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 8 --Scully POV--**

**St Jude's Hospital**

As I listen to Skinner informing me about how most of the families have been contacted and that within the next 48 hours they shall be reunited; I can't help but wonder what he would say if I told him about Mulder. About Mulder's sudden infatuation with one particular member, about his need to be close to her and get even closer.

I tell him about Melissa and how I want to delve a little deeper, to see if we can get concrete proof that she was Sidney, in one way or another, for the case. He agrees to let me investigate and we arrange a meeting back in DC as soon as we return. I take a moment in the quiet stairwell to take a deep breath and steady my nerves before going back into the corridor.

I spot him immediately. His hair is tousled and his skin is pale and for a moment despite myself I want to make his pain go away. Make the hurt stop and put the light back into his eyes. I give him a small wave with a washed-out smile as he walks over. Without giving me a chance to gather my thoughts he is standing next to me, his hands hanging lazily off his hips and his eyes boring down into mine, questions and thoughts swimming beneath the cool green surface.

"How is Melissa?" I ask.

"She's...confused...and frankly so am I." He pinches the bridge of his nose and screws his eyes tightly shut rasping a deep breath through gritted teeth.

"What happened?" I follow him to the water cooler where he takes a long drink before turning back to me.

"She's...confused," he says again.

For a moment there is an impenetrable wall of silence between us and neither of us seem willing to move the first brick. So with a pumping heart in my throat I take the plunge.

"I was just about to leave." He glances at me with a questioning tilt to his head. "I spoke to Agent Dixon. He has faxed Melissa's background report to the hotel and I was just about to go over there to collect them. Are you done here?"

Mulder looks back to the room and then fixes his jacket collar around his neck. "Yeah," he says firmly. "Lets go."

The drive back to the hotel is quick and silent as we both submerge with out thought, the conversation basic. At the reception desk I collect the fax sheets and we make our way up to his room to review them.

We read about her diagnosis as a schizophrenic when she was younger and her successful treatment with anti-psychotics. I glance up at Mulder after reading the first page of her symptoms and treatments but he is too engrossed to catch my eyes.

"She's been married twice. Each time to a former psychologist of hers," Mulder comments as he passes me the second page and

"Like she's been playing the character she knows they want to see." I say then realise what I said and look up in time to see his eyes brush over my face. "Mulder...I..." I don't know what to say. Reaching out I squeeze his wrist, wrapping my fingers around it with my fingers feeling his pulse

"It just all seemed so real. I just wanted it to be real I guess."

"You don't think it's real anymore?" I can hardly hope to hear the words and part of me is struggling with his sorrow.

"I think my memories were susceptible to her words, her thoughts." He steps away from me and paces the room with long strides. "Maybe if I hadn't heard her...memories...first, mine wouldn't have been so...contrived?"

"What about the bunker? The Photos?" My head is screaming for me to stop talking. What am I doing? I wonder, arguing for the opposite side.

"It's possible I picked it up through conversation with the SWAT members or saw plans before and subconsciously made the connection."

"And the photos?"

"The photos."

I'm surprised when he reaches into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulls out he two photographs of Sarah Kavanaugh and Sullivan Biddle. He holds them tenderly, watching them through glassy eyes as his tears threaten to fall before me.

I'm stumped for words and I realise he probably wants to be alone. Gathering up the rest of the fax sheets, I fold them together and leave the room. I don't think he noticed that I have left.

BR> A/N/ I totaly forgot I was posting thi s here! SORRY! So I'll post the rest of the chapts tomorrow!


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 9 --Mulder POV--**

**River View Hotel**

The pictures are staring back at me, mocking my tears as I blink them away and close my eyes tightly. I feel...I feel...useless. Tired and used and more then a little embarrassed. I should be used to these emotions by now. It's not the first time I've jumped in head first without fully understanding the consequences of my actions, this time condemning my stupidity in full witnessed view of Scully.

She had tried to warn me but I didnt listen. I was so caught up in the whirlwind of past memories I didnt stop to think how this might affect her. I can't help now but think of the look on her face, when she walked into the church, when I told her about Melissa, when I left her in the corridor and worst of all, just now as she walks out of my room.

Looking down at the photos once more, I stare at Sarah's face and wonder, what if...what if it was all true? Would I be here in my room? Contemplating my lives gone by or would I be sitting by her side waiting for any morsel of encouragement she could offer me?

Carefully, I put the photos on the desk and let out a deep relieving breath as I stretch my arms above my head, bringing them down to rake my fingers through my hair.

"It's been a hard day," I mutter aloud into the empty room, as I take off my jacket and toss my tie onto the bed. "And it's not likely to get any easier."

Pulling my shirt and tee shirt over my head, I wander into the bathroom and fill the sink with warm water. I want to wash the tiredness away, scrub the tell tale tears from my eyes and fall into bed. But with the thoughts and words swarming through my head at breakneck speed I don't think the latter is likely.

Patting my face dry, I stand up and look straight into the mirror. Facing my reflection with my eyes dark and accusing. My head shakes slowly back at me, accusing me openly without hint of forgiveness and I don't understand why.

I grab a plain grey tee shirt from my bag and take the door key from the desk. With a final glance at the photos before me I step into the corridor and slowly approach Scully's door. My knock is soft, because I'm not sure if I want her to hear it; someone up there has other plans.

She opens the door almost immediately as if she has been waiting for me all along. No longer wearing her FBI regulation suit, she has changed into softer, more comfortable, revealing clothes. A pair of black trousers and a light blue v-neck sweater.

My smile must be sweet because she is inviting me in with a careful curved lip of her own. I wander in and cross the room to the window. Outside the sun is beginning to set and the city is changing with twilight shadows.

"What is it, Mulder?" Her voice is curt but I can see by the flinch in her blue eyes that she doesn't mean it to be.

"I just wanted to talk. To say thanks."

"Thanks?" She takes a seat on the edge of the bed and I walk over to sit next to her, our thighs and shoulders touching. "For what?" She is looking down at her hands that fiddle nervously on her lap. Why is she so nervous I wonder?

"For letting me go. Most people would have told me I was a fool and dragged me back to DC."

"I did tell you, you were a fool." She admits glancing at me with a wicked smile.

Her eyes spark with mischief and I chuckle. "Yeah, but you still let me dig deeper." I say. "Didn't you wonder what I might find?"

"No, Mulder, I knew."

"You did?" Surprised now, I turn towards her more, resting one hand on the bed behind her and the other on my knee, almost touching hers.

"Soul mates, Mulder. What exactly is a soul mate?" Her voice is soft like whispers of the wind. "I never liked the term soul mates. It destroys the mystery and takes the hard work off us."

I'm stunned. I know she isn't a fan of the fanciful but she is a romantic at heart, I see the books she reads and the movies she makes us watch. Her eyes are glittering more openly and for a moment I wonder if they are tears she's hiding, but it's brighter than that. It's luminous and open with warmth and something else. Something I saw before, hidden in the darkness of her eyes and never understood.

"If we leave it all up to destiny it takes the pressure off us, and we can blame it all on fate when it all goes wrong...if it all goes wrong." She says. "I, for one, am not willing to let that happen."

Then it all becomes clear. I recognise the look. I remember when I've seen it before. In different grades of brightness at different times but most recently, a few hours ago, at the hospital as we spoke in the corridor. I retrieve the memory I stored then and pull the picture back up. There it is as clear as she can make it without painting the sky in huge ten-foot letters.

"I was wrong, Scully." I say, but my voice has become trapped in my throat. I cough self-consciously and say it again. "I was so unbelievably wrong, Scully."

I'm waiting for the blood to flow back into my fingers so I can move them. My hand covers the short distance between us and I clasp hers as the other one touches her back and slowly travels up her spine to her neck where my fingers tangle with her hair, and my brain suddenly shouts out about the lack of bra strap I feel on her back. She is smiling now. Her lips parting just a touch as if she knows what I'm thinking and I can see a few teeth pinching her lower lip making it red and begging to be kissed.

The klaxon sounds in my head but I can't hear it over the thumping of my heart so I ignore them all, all the sounds and alarms ringing, and focus only on her. Her clear blue eyes, her red lips and pink tongue that's rubbing softly where she has bitten.

"Let me," I say hoarsely and I can hardly believe what I'm about to do and yet I can't wait to do it. My fingers clasp her neck tighter, just in case she changes her mind before I've had a chance to taste her kiss. But it doesn't look like she will as she leans forward to meet me in the middle.

We both hesitate, our breaths mingling and I see a flicker of doubt cross her face but she seems to push it past and looks up to my eyes directly.

"Well?" She challenges me and I smile, and even manage a small laugh.

Then with all thoughts fading into the background, I close the gap and kiss her softly, my lips tenderly brushing hers.

Nothing happens. No stars, explosions or fireworks. Just my heart beating steadily against my ribs, battering it so violently I feel like I'm about to pass out.

Then she tilts her head to the left and deepens the kiss opening her mouth enough for her tongue to rasp across my lips. An invitation I can't refuse, and don't. Sitting side by side is too awkward, so without breaking contact with her lips, I move around her and kneel on the ground before her, one hand still tangling in her hair, the other on the small of her back pressing her against me.

I'm delighted to feel her hands on my chest and I know she can feel my heart beating madly but I don't care. In fact I want her to feel it closer, her hand on my skin. My hand on hers.

I lean back away from her and look down to her lips as her tongue darts out to moisten them and I hear myself moan. It's been a long time since I moaned so feral in front of a woman but I can't help myself. She's robbing my self-control so easily. Robbing it? I wonder, or am I offering it to her.

Too many thoughts I admonish myself. Reaching down to the cuff of my tee shirt I pull it up and over my head tossing it to the side carelessly then take her back in my arms and pull her closer.

As if she had been reading my mind her hand finds the pulse point on my chest as my heart pumps blood furiously around my body. My skin quivers with anticipation as she lowers her head and replaces her probing fingers with her lips and again I hear myself moan but this time I'm not surprised.

Holding her face between both hands, my thumbs gently caressing her cheeks I watch her eyes for a second and I see behind them again that elusive light.

"Is this where fate has led us?" I whisper. The room has darkened but neither of us reaches for the light.

"Fate, Mulder?" she questions, her eyes twinkling wickedly as she turns her face in my hand and kisses my palm. Her tongue is hot and wet on my skin and it's driving me crazy. It won't be much longer before my head is deprived of all its blood supply and my thoughts will disappear with the sun. "No. This is what we've been working towards all this time."

"We have?" I say and watch as she turns her lips towards the other hand and kisses me again. "If I'd known there was going to be a practical I would have practiced more."

"I'm sure you'll be fine."

My eyes are wide as she gently brushes my hands away and reaches down to pull off her own top revealing nothing but beautiful skin beneath.

"Scully..." I begin but she quickly shuts me up with a kiss. My hands find the warm skin on her back as I pull her closer and crush our lips together in an urgent kiss.

"No Mulder, this is the practical." She laughs delightedly into my ear as her tongue finds a sensitive spot of skin. "You already passed the oral."

Thoughts and hesitations disappear into the shadows as our bodies and instinct take over. I understand the light behind her eyes now and I crave it. To make it shine brighter to reflect it in my own. Soul mates? I don't know but I do know we're meant to be like this. To feel this.

Her tongue is doing something to my neck that's making me loose my train of thought to I stop trying and focus on making her lose hers.

**The End.**

**Skinfull January 2005**


End file.
